I saw this film years ago with one of my best friends. A guy named Rob. When we walked out of it, I recall him being a bit disappointed with it. Mind you, I don’t think we hated it. But I distinctly recall Rob being very disappointed about one main aspect. A severe lack of ranting from Leary. There are brief moments where he starts, but he usually got cut off.

This is certainly a valid disappointment. I mean, do you see Lewis Black is in a movie and expect him to be a sweet and gentle character? No. You expect a cynical, world weary guy. And yet, the Ref has become one of my favorite Christmas time films. I am a sucker for films about troubled families on the verge of failing that are forced to look at themselves.

Spoilers follow…

The basic story is focused on Caroline and Lloyd (Judy Davis and Kevin Spacey), a couple in therapy, and a marriage that seems doomed. They do nothing but fight in the beginning of the movie. There is a lack of trust and intimacy (brought on by Caroline’s affair). They struggle with disappointment with the death of dreams and where life has taken them. One Christmas eve, they are taken hostage by a jewel thief named Gus (Denis Leary), who is avoiding the police.

He has been left by his partner after a robbery gone awry. He stays with Caroline and Lloyd, growing near the edge of sanity. He soon discovers things are about to get worse, as Caroline and Lloyd’s oppressive family are coming to visit. And their delinquent son is on the way as well. Gus comes up with a plan to pretend to be the couple therapist when the family arrives, using their son as leverage to keep them in line.

Dark edged humor fills the movies, but with a real heart at the center. As things get progressively worse, the family becomes more and more honest. What is clear throughout the film is that while Caroline and Lloyd fight and are exasperated, there is a connection that is not ready to be severed. Their son makes a point that I think often is forgotten when families break apart. Caroline tells her son to not worry, that no matters what happens to her and Lloyd, he should not worry-it’s “not his problem.” He shoots back, that it IS his problem, he is part of the family too.

There are some great Spacey moments, and that is not a surprise, as this film predates his sudden turn into embarrassingly preachy schmaltz, such as the Life of David Gale and Pay It Forward. Judy Davis is wonderful as Caroline. Glynis Johns may play one of the most selfish heartless mothers EVER. And she does it brilliantly.

If you have not seen this early Ted Demme film, I cannot recommend it enough. I see something new in it with almost every viewing (I watch it every Christmas season).