See? Those People At Lost Know What They Are Doing!

See?  I wish the X-Files would have been this smart.

Man…sixteen episodes a season for the next three years…

The Baby, 1973

Spoilers for a lame 1973 movie follow:

One of the things I enjoy about having Netflix is renting weird films.  This was one of them.  The Baby starts out “innocently” enough.  We see some woman, Ann (Anjanette Comer), looking at photos of a young infant as music plays.  Bad 70’s movie music.  Music that seems almost inappropriate for the film.  This may have been a a TV movie.  As Ann goes through the series of pictures, we see the baby grow into a man, but the man is dressed like an infant.

It turns out that Ann is a social worker, and this young man is her new case.  She goes to meet the family of the man.  The family consists of Mrs. Wadsworth (the mother, played by Ruth Roman) , her attactive-yet creepy-daughters Germaine (Marianna Hill) and Alba (Suzanne Zenor) and Baby (David Mooney/Manzy).  Baby has no other name than that.  Apparently, his father ran out on the family when he was an infant.  It’s unclear why the family felt compelled to keep Baby in a state of infancy, but they did.  At first, they seem open to Ann being the new case worker, that is, until she actually starts showing up regularly and taking an interest in Baby’s case.

The family shares little information and seems to have a creepy incestuous vibe.  Specifically hinting at this is a moment when Germaine takes off her nightgown and gets in her brother’s crib as he sleeps.  While the scene is not graphic, it implies some freaky family dynamic.  They try to get info from Anne that suggests not so good intentions.  Especially when we discover the last social worker to take an interest in Baby disappeared.  Does she have a husband?  Where does she live?  She does divulge that she was married, that her husband had been in an accident and she lives with her husband and mother-in-law.

Ann appears to be the epitome of the concerned social worker.  While the family insists that Baby is mentally disabled,  Ann is certain they intentionally stunted his growth.  She tries to get doctors to see him, but the family refuses.  Finally, they get Ann removed from their case.  But Ann is determined to help.  She stops by the house and threatens to get Baby taken away from the family.  Mrs. Wadsworth gets angry and starts cursing at Ann.  But Ann is not scared as she walks to her car.

The next day, Mrs. Wadsworth calls and apologizes and invites Ann to Baby’s birthday party.  Ann agrees to show up.  It’s a weird looking party for a “baby”.  Purple psychedelic lighting.  People smoking weed, inferences of sexual activity and mom continously trying to get Ann to drink.  Finally they knock Ann out and tie her up in a room.  But Ann is resourceful.  She gets free and sneaks out the door-taking Baby with her.

Ann starts to send letters to the family with pictures of Baby standing in a suit and saying they will never have Baby again-even if they get him back, she has been changing him-undoing all their years of repression.  This freaks the Wadsworth clan out.  And they decide they have to get Baby back before it’s to late.  Late at night they sneak to Ann’s house.  Mrs. Wadsworth send Alba and Germaine in first. 

After waiting for an eternity for her daughters, Mrs. Wadsworth sneaks into Ann’s house.  She stops to listen, and suddenly feels some taping her face.  he touches her cheek and sees red.  She looks up and sees  daughter Germaine dangling over the rail.  She runs up the stairs to Germaine’s lifeless body and starts to cry, then she hears someone calling out to her.  She turns to see Alba  stepping out from another room.  Alba falls to the ground, revealing a large knife in her back.  Mrs. Wadsworth comes forward, only to be shocked by Ann leaping from the shadows with a butcher knife.  Ann misses, they struggle, and Mrs. Wadsworth gets the upper hand and chases Ann down the stairs.

Ann ducks into the darkened living room.  She hides waiting to see if Mrs. Wadsworth enters the room.  She does and starts searching for Ann.  Ann grabs a fire place poker and strikes Mrs. Wadsworth, then she bolts up the stairs, pursued by Baby’s mother.  However, at the top of the stairs, Mrs. Wadsworth is greeted by Mother-In-Law!  Who is holding a hammer!  She hits Mrs. Wadsworth, who stubles and falls over the rail, landing on the ground and breaking her legs.

They tie her up and take her out to a large pit in the back yard.  In the pit is a smaller pit, with now holds Mrs. Wadworth and her daughters.  Mrs, Wadsworth is still alive as Ann and her Mother-in-law start to fill the smaller pit up.  Afterwards they go back into the house and open a door.  There they find Baby, in baby clothes.  Ann takes him upstairs, asking if he will be good now.  She opens a door, where we see a baby nursery.  But that’s not the surprise… we find that she has her husband in the room-ALSO dressed as a baby.  See, she mentioned an accident…it left his mind in an infantile state and she was looking for a friend/brother for her husband.  That’s the reason she took the case in the first place!  The very next scene we see the pit has been replaced by a pool!  Mother-in-law sits by the pool, Ann and her “babies” swim in the pool, one happy family!

Um.  Okay.