Daily Archive

Over at the Hannity and Colms page (I wanted to get some of the choice comments from Rick Santorum, who always impresses me with his ability to whine and claim victim hood for right wingers). They have a section devoted to sexy teachers who sleep with their students. A whole section.

Did you know Time Magazine readers did not choose George Bush in their top 100 most influential people? He made the top 1,000. According to Rick Santorum, this is very disrespectful. The President should automatically get a pass and make the top 100. No questions asked. And see, this is just proof that Time Magazine hates the President (Bush Hater, ah, the tired continual refrain of the robotic workers who appear on TV to spout off platitudes in favor of the president). And the fact that Time’s readers didn’t include him in their votes for the top 100 proves they (the readers) are all left wing commie Bush Haters (okay, the commie thing was my addition). But then, it’s hard to take Santorum seriously, as he is a “sleazy attorney out of central casting” (to quote my friend Kevin-who was talking about Edwards, but man, Santorum has that slicked up, shiny hair that screams “Ambulance Chaser”).

I tried watching more of the discussion, but I can only handle so much crap before I risk an aneurysm.

Instead I watched a movie from Netflix. The Director’s Cut of Christmas Evil. Interestingly, when the film starts, the title card actually says “You Better Watch Out.” Apparently they changed the title. Written and Directed by Lewis Jackson, I am a little surprised this was not a bigger hit. I mean, sure, the original Black Christmas had already come out, and certainly the holiday themed slasher films were in full swing, which could make this one get lost in the shuffle…but still.

Here we have the tale of Harry, who as a young boy is thrilled to see Santa Clause come down the chimney of his family home. He, his younger brother and mother sit hiding on the stairs and watch Santa. Later that night, Harry’s younger brother Phil tells him there is no Santa Clause. It’s really just Daddy. Well, being the smarter, more mature older brother Harry freaks a little. He runs down the stair to see Santa kneeling in front of Mommy caressing her leg. This traumatizes little Harry who runs to the attic. For some reason he throws a snow globe on the ground. He cuts himself and screams. Mom and Dad are to busy getting it on to hear Harry scream.

We jump ahead to find Harry fully grown. And apparently, he likes Christmas a little. He sleeps in a Santa Hat…keeps a countdown of “days until Christmas” on his wall, has pictures of Santa everywhere. All in all, a pretty normal guy.

Well, except the part where he watches the local children with binoculars. But, before you freak, dear viewer, give it a chance. He’s no pervert(well, except for the whole peeping thing). He’s just noting how good the kids are. Well, all but Moss Garcia. He’s bad. Harry sees him holding a Penthouse. Harry runs back to his apartment and pulls out a giant book. Turns out he writes down all the naughty and nice things the neighborhood kids do. And does Moss have a rap sheet!

Later, we see that Harry works in a local toy factory. This factory makes the most boring toys ever. Seriously boring. This makes Harry sad. He dreams of making beautiful toys for good boys and girls. He hates the greed he sees in the owner of the company and his co-workers. He even gets conned by a subordinate into doing a shift on the assembly line. But this is not what pushes Harry over the edge, people. Not at all!

Harry is walking home with his groceries. He sees all the neighborhood kids sitting on a porch and asks what they wish they could get for Christmas. All the kids say something nice. Except Moss Garcia. He asks for a lifetime subscription to Penthouse. This is just to much!!! He bolts home (for some reason his erratic behaviors never weirds anyone out) to add Moss’ latest indiscretion to the Naughty Book. Then he grabs an action figure and starts to rub it. Like, really hard. And then he snaps! We know this because the action figure snaps and Harry gets a wacky grin on his face.

We then get a montage of Harry smiling like the Joker and making his Santa suit and dangerous toys. And then? It’s Christmas! What’s a homicidal Santa supposed to do? Go give toys to the kids at the hospital. Go figure. He makes all the kids happy and then goes to the town church. Church ends, and we see his boss and another superior at the office. Harry has his targets! Until some snarky twentysomethings start teasing Harry. So, in front of everybody, Harry stabs one kid in the eye with a soldier and uses a toy axe to kill two others. Then Harry the killer Santa waddles quickly to his van and speeds away.

He then goes to the co-worker’s house who conned him and tries to smother him with a pillow. When tat does not work? Harry gets creative and kills him with a Christmas tree star. Then Harry runs away. Harry falls asleep in the van, that the police are scouring the city for. Apparently, they didn’t notice the lone big white van with a red sleigh painted on the side in the parking lot. I can understand that.

On Christmas night, Harry starts driving around again, no one seems to notice him, even though there are police reports (STAY AWAY FROM SANTA CLAUSE!!!). But then his van gets stuck in the snow. Harry starts to wander around and suddenly runs into a gaggle of kids who apparently were not warned to beware of Santa. Their parents come around the corner and get scared, causing a dad to pull out a switchblade. The kids surround Santa and the guy’s daughter takes dad’s knife away and gives it to Santa.

This is starting to look bad as people are starting to step outside, so Harry runs off. Suddenly? The film become Frankenstein. Really. The towns people gather up torches and run down the street chasing Harry. Oh yeah, I left out this whole subplot revolving around Phil’s family. Remember little brother Phil? He is apparently really mean to Harry, and his wife and kids adore Harry. His wife and kids are clearly poor judges of character.

I bring that up because Harry gets his van unstuck and drives to his brothers house. Apparently, his brother does not approve of him killing people. Go figure. So Phil strangles Harry. Then he drags the body out to the van and puts it in the drivers seat. Then he stands there confounded. Apparently, he did not think this whole “killing one’s brother” thing through.

BUT HARRY’S NOT DEAD!!!! He punches his brother and drives right into the crowd of torch wielding mob and then loses control… the van breaks through a fence, flies over an embankment into the sky and…well, that’s it. Movie over. Can’t you totally see this as a modern re-make with, say, Steve Bescemi as Harry?! Come on Hollywood! Don’t let us down!

The best thing on the disc was the special feature that lets us see the comment cards from the test screenings. Apparently, this film did not test well with anyone… can’t figure out why…maybe the film was just ahead of it’s time?