Advice for Comic Book Artists

Okay. It’s advice day. All you aspiring comic book artists, we need to talk. What is the most important thing an aspiring artist can do? Practice? No. Why spend hour learning anatomy and honing your skills? No, I recommend the “Artist/Writer Feud”. These are classic and make you unforgettable.

Now, in the old days you had to be really established. I mean, who can forget classics Like John Byrne vs. Peter David? Erik Larsen vs. Peter David? Todd MacFarlane vs. Peter David? Uh, I know there were others, but those are the classics that leapt to mind. Well, that and the bloody fist fight between Jim Lee and Joss Whedon at Comicon. Damn, that was weird.

But seriously folks, it’s as important as talent. It helps you stand out. I mean, artists without well known feuds to be forgotten. I mean, who remembers… Adam Hughes, Jim Lee, Frank Quitely, John Cassaday or Bryan Hitch? Don’t ruin the joke by bringing up feuds they were a part of, you geeks.

So, I want to recommend starting a feud or two with well known writers. Thanks to the modern wonder of the internet, you no longer need to be an establish artist. Hell, you do not even have to be a <b>published</b> artist.

First, I recommend not starting a feud with peter David. I mean, he is smarter than you, for one thing. He will make you look stupid. Also in this “I don’t recommend it” category is Harlan Ellison. Yeah, it will bring you notoriety, but he will kick your ass, and it will likely be deserved.

I recommend some of the newer superstars of the last few years. Names such as Bendis, Vaughan, Brubaker or Millar. All have a big web presence and are easy to find. You might ask if it’s required to actually hate them. No, that is not required at all. Always remember, you are attacking their public persona, not their private self. It may even help to be a fan. In my quest to be a thorn in Ed Brubaker’s side, I never forget that he writes good stuff. His current run on Uncanny X-Men is the first time I found Uncanny interesting since Morrison and Whedon. And Jiminy Crickett, it takes awhile between issues of Astonishing X-Men. What’s your problem, Whedon. There is another trick, it never hurts to try and start more than one feud, in case one never really takes off.

It does help if the writer notices you. For example, my attempted feud with Ed Brubaker has born little fruit. But do not give up hope. It’s all about persistence. And reminding them of their place. Remind them, you are the artist. You do the hard work here. Who is more important than the guy who draws the book? Noone. Image proved that in the 90’s and nothing really changes. They finally got their pictures in Wizard? Remind them that if not for you, the penciller, Wizard would have gone out of business. And what speculators bought ten copies of comics because Scott Lobdell was writing them? No one. But they did buy them because it was a Rob Liefeld first issue!

Avoid television writers who dip into the comic pool. They are far busier than comic book writers and do not have the time for feuds. This explains why comic book writers are always seeking that screen writing job. They are greedy. Play on this to start your feud. Rub in that they are just the creator. What do they really contribute? Character development? Plot? Story? Dialogue? You contribute the cool pictures!!!!

I also do not recommend starting a feud with Warren Ellis. He will smash a beer bottle over your head and eat your kidney.

If I think of more, I will add to this, but for now I have to surf the web and see where that punk Brubaker is posting at today…I will get his attention eventually.

Bond Girls, Owen Wilson & Fox News

Newsflash! Fox & Friends Host Declares Ted Kennedy a hostile enemy combatant! Way to be “fair and balanced”, Gretchen Carlson! Making Minnesota proud.

I don’t consider it a good sign when I sleep through more than half a movie and at no time do I feel the need to jump back and watch what I missed so as to “understand” what’s going on when I actually wake up. Consider that the closest thing to a review from me of You, Me & Dupree.

Continuing my favorite stuff from Bond, I go to the other regular part of a Bond film. The Bond girl. Bond girls serve multiple purposes, the most obvious being eye candy. They also exist as a simple plot device to move the story forward, to provide info that would have been much harder to get otherwise and to give Bond a chance to be smooth.

My criteria is that they be more than pretty, have a reason for being in the story other than as Bond’s love interest. That can certainly play a role, but I am thinking that their motives need to be personal beyond wanting to sleep with James. Whether they are in the story out of vengeance, devotion to homeland or something along those lines, that’s what I want to see. And finally, my criterion requires a skill beyond looking pretty in slinky dresses.

Beware of spoilers for films that are over 20 years old (some are passed 30 years). Proceed at your own peril!

1.Domino

For some reason, Domino has always been one of my favorite Bond girls. Yes, Honey Ryder (Ursula Andress) walking from the ocean is iconic. But for my money, Claudine Auger’s Domino swimming in the ocean, ever so gracefully, is far cooler. That one piece with the mesh strip isn’t to bad either. But part of what I like about Domino is she is not the traditional Bond “bad girl gone good”. She is apparently pretty decent, and notquick to throw herself as Bond’s feet, rejecting him and skeptical of him in their first meeting. While she has ties to the villain, she is not the villain’s girlfriend or henchwoman. He is her guardian. And when she discovers that her brother is dead because of her guardian, she is willing to turn her back and join Bond, and she isn’t a weakling.

2. Tatiana Romanova

Tanya is interesting as a character, because she is working for the bad guys-but is under the belief she is working for the good of her government (The Soviet Union). Played by the lovely Daniela Bianchi (Miss Rome and Miss World 1960 runner up), she seems taken with Bond and him with her, and while she is being duped by Spectre, she is charming enough that you kind of forget that little fact. Yeah, if you analyze it too much it’ll make you annoyed. She’s a top agent, but is unaware that her Superior is no longer working for Mother Russia? I also note that Daniela’s casting goes against a Bond choice of later years with most Russian lead women being raven haired.

3. Vesper Lynd

Vesper was an interesting character to me. I don’t dare share to much, as this one is from the newest film, still in theaters. I will say that Eva Green plays Vesper as complex, intriguing, smart and tough to read.

4. Dr. Holly Goodhead

Lois Chiles plays one of those typical “hot scientists/astronaugh/CIA Agents” that inhabit the world of James Bond. But unlike the World Is not Enough’s Denise Richards, you can believe Holly is a competent agent. She has really cool gadgets as well, like a perfume bottle flame thrower! What woman wouldn’t want that?!